Thursday, September 01, 2011

A few words about staying married

I hope this doesn't hurt anyone, but I thought I would share a few things that my wife and I have learned, and practiced sometimes well and sometimes not so well over our 23 years of marriage.

1. Marriage is sometimes very difficult, and we need help. Be honest with yourself, and others, and ask for help when needed. It doesn't mean you are weak, it means you are trying hard to be a consistently growing relationship

2. Two halfs don't make a whole, own your own shit, and deal with it. Two wholes make a whole, encourage each other in your personal growth.

3. Quality time comes from quantity time, make time for each other. Even if it means your pocket book suffers. My wife and I have one day a week that is our together time, our churches even learned do not call John and Raquel on date day unless it is an emergency, and you can't reach anyone else. This time is so important.

4. add on to number three, go away once and a while, we try and get two weekends, and one week long camping trip a year, just the two of us, nobody else. We need to reset, and its hard to do that in the middle of life.

5. be committed to fightings as hard as you can to make it work, and then trust God.

Now let me say that if you are getting abused, then get the hell out of there. In fact I will come help you move out.

And, this should not bring any guilt, if you have been divorced or are really struggling, I get it, its all love. Just sharing what has helped Raquel and I get through some really tough times, and share some great ones.


1 comment:

HISdaughter said...

VERY good stuff, this. I am divorced, and have been rebuilding my life over the past four years, and it's hard sometimes ( OK, a lot of the times). I pray that if I ever do marry again, it will be to a man of integrity and compassion, and someone who is willing to put in the hard work. If not, I'd rather stay single.